I’m sitting alone in a deserted grassland. I’m aware that I have died and am absorbing everything around me. I’m looking…anticipating…but there is nothing. Only desolation and aloneness. This is not what I expected. Where is the angel who will escort me to heaven? Where…is…my…LORD?

This is the moment I’ve believed in, lived for, passionately shared with others. Where are the white lights? Where is the feeling of overwhelming love? Was my faith all for naught?

I feel disillusioned and hurt. What happens now?

I reflect on my life from as far back as I can remember, and it comes back to me with unexpected clarity. A youth filled with longing, strife, and foolish choices. Young adult years filled with sin and addiction to achievement. Countless years of living for fleeting moments of perceived happiness. And the inevitable lows that followed those moments. After too many of those “valleys,” I lost my will to go on and planned to end my life. But God intervened dramatically and unexpectedly. I was infused with hope and newness, and the desires of my heart began to change. I was fully regenerated—before I even understood what that meant! And I never looked back.

New perspectives, new friends, new outlets. The joy and privilege of serving. It was truly the full and abundant life promised in Scripture.

Yet here I am…waiting to graduate into eternity, waiting for crowns to lay at my Lord’s feet, waiting for the place He has prepared for me. I’m longing for Him. But there is nothing.

And…yet…even if…there is nothing, could I honestly say I had any regrets? Absolutely not. Being in a relationship with Christ was the best thing that ever happened to me.

So maybe this ending is not what I believed it would be, but I feel nothing but gratitude. I know without a doubt that I had a relationship with a Divine being who listened, helped, comforted, and provided for me. And He loved me as no one else had. No, I can’t regret a thing. I don’t know what’s to happen now, but I am eternally grateful to the One I have known and loved. And I believe that even now, in my disillusionment, He hears me.

I put my head in my hands and weep.

Then I feel something like a tap on my shoulder, but there is no one around. I hear the faint sound of birds singing. A blinding light appears, and I look up to the kindest face I have ever seen. I warm to a Voice that rings like a beautiful symphony.. And He speaks:

“You now have complete understanding. I’m here. It is all true—everything you believed. And you remained steadfast, even in your disillusionment. Then He held His hand out…

“Come with Me, my beloved daughter. Come and share your Master’s happiness…”